Driving home from closing up the Moritz Law Library at midnight, August 23, 2007, I turn on the radio and hear Peter Gabriel Sledgehammer. I am instantly transported to a carefree time 20 years ago. The scene comes alive in my mind. It is the summer of 1987. It is literally days before school is about to start, my senior year in high school. I am driving on a road through the park, I have just passed Squire’s Castle on the left. The sun is shining and a nice breeze is blowing. I pass several people on the left who are out flying kites. I am in my 1978 Ford Mustang, my first car, not yet killed by a Mazda RX-7. I have playing on my excellent car stereo (that I installed myself a new tape) Peter Gabriel’s So. I have it loud because I can and a part of me wants to show off how nice my car stereo is. I am, after all, only 17. At this moment, I haven’t a care in the world.
I don’t know yet the troubles I will go through for the next 20 years. I don’t know the relationship troubles I will have. The separation and divorce of my parents, The academic dismissal from (failing out of) college. The loss of all my friends from Cleveland. The addition and eventual loss of dozens of new friends in Columbus. The loss of my dad. The loss of my first pet where I had to be the responsible adult and be there at my friend’s end. My own (for lack of a better word) divorce, for living 10 years with a girl is common law in some states. The purchase of my first home. Literally countless untold other anxieties and depressions, joys and delights.
For a moment as I am driving, here in 2007, I almost wish I had the power to magically jump back in time to 1987 and fix up all the things I fucked up along the way. However I know my road would be forever changed doing even one thing differently. And the wiser part of me knows I need to stay on the road I am on now. I need to be here now. And as the song comes to an end and I pull into the driveway of my home, that melancholy almost feels like it brings a sadness to my eyes that will never go away.
2 comments:
Nice entry. I can relate to the sudden retreat to a different place and time. The past can certainly tug the heartstrings. Keep up the good work! Thanks
I didn't know you had a 1978 Mustang!
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